France's Magic Book of Pick Up Lines
by Emily-Of-Midgard
Summary: "Damn, Lovi, It's got to be a crime to look that good" "Damn, Spain, It's got to be a crime to use a pick up line THAT bad" a Spain/Romano fanfic for my friends birthday. K  for Lovi's potty mouth.


France's Magical Book of Pick Up Lines

AN: HAPPYYYY BIRTHDAY, CONRAD! THIS PRESENTofabadfanficIS FOR YOU! Pickup lines were used on the Internet and a few were taken from some fanfics I read. (I also feel that I read something exactly like this a while ago. Perhaps I accidentally copied them, If I did, I'm sorry.

Warnings: OOC sometimes (or at least I think so)

Parings: Spamano, Mentions of PruHun, and GerIta and France/Everyone

* * *

It was a good time brewing in Paris, France (No, not that way you pervert). France looked away from his wine at his friend, the amazing, the brilliant the very, VERY smoking hot; the-simply put AWESOME Prussia, who was currently looking out the window.

"What are you looking at, Cher? Is a beautiful lady walking around outside?" Francis said in a husky voice with a perverted-uh I mean, loving look in his eye. Yeah, let's go with that. Prussia shook his head.

"If I was looking at a hottie, you think I'd be here?" He asked. "No, it's Spain, or what's left of him, limping up the street, that's what I'm looking at"

Said Spanish man, or what remained, limped into the house. And, crap, did he look messed up.

"What in the name of Old Fritz happened to you?" Prussia asked, and France laughed. "You need ask, Gilbert, he tried to ask that adorable South Italy out again, and he didn't take it well" Prussia sighed and went over to the freezers. Yes, in the plural. One held beer and such, the others held raw steaks.

Yes, you heard me, raw steaks. Because when the people you are trying to court are A) A crazed yaoi fan with a frying pan, B) An almost-in-a-state-of-irritation Italian, and C) EVERYONE, They came in handy, even if they got eye infections every other Tuesday.

Prussia got out a steak and threw it across the room at Spain. Problem is, Spaniards aren't known for their baseball skills, so Spain missed it by a mile. He fell back into a bookshelf and several large books hit him on the head causing him to see little flying tomatoes. (Huh, France reads. Go figure.) The steak landed on top of the Gilbird, causing Prussia to freak.

Spain finally came to his senses and noticed the books that had fallen on his head. One was "How to Become a Fancy Waiter in Less Than Twenty Minutes". Another was "Why the French are Superior in Every Way, Shape, and Form" The last one was old and dusty and looked to have been handwritten. The cover said, in swirly text "The Magic Book of Pick Up Lines, By Francis"

"Francis, what's this?" Spain asked curiously, holding up the book. France looked up, and smiled. "Only my work of art, Cher, It holds every single one of my favorite pickup lines"

"Hmm...France, can I borrow this?"

"What, sure, I guess"

"NOOOOO! LITTLE AWESOME!"

* * *

Lovino Vargas made his way down the street, eating a tomato. Life was good. The bastard had ran off, his idiot brother was off with the potato bastard (normally this would make him infuriated him, but as long as he left him alone, Romano didn't care if he was on the moon with Van Helsing)

Until Spain ran up with that book.

"Hey Lovi~!"

Lovino cried out, infuriated in a split second. "What!" Then gasped because the man was covered in what he thought was blood. (Ketchup)

"W-What happened?"

Spain stumbled around. "I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes."

Everything went silent.

"OW!"

"BASTARD!"

* * *

"Hey Lovi~!"

"What is it now?"

Spain grabbed his shirt label. "Yep, as I thought, made in heaven"

"Actually no, it was made in Portugal"

"...Was I just rejected?"

"Smart Boy"

* * *

"Apart from being sexy, what else do you do for a living?"

"Reject you."

"Damn Lovi, it must be illegal to look that good."

"Damn Spain, it's got to be illegal to use pick-up lines that bad."

"No actually it's not, but you know what? You are committing a crime, being a thief"

"Um, Wh-"

"And you must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the roo-OW! DON'T HEADBUT ME LOVI!~"

* * *

"Do you have a twin brother?"

"Yes"

Spain gulped. "Um, the line doesn't work when you say yes"

"Make it work, Bastard"

"Ok, um...You must not be identical then, as nobody could look as good as you"

"ARE YOU CALLING MY BROTHER UGLY?"

"NO, I'M NOT-OWWWWW!"

* * *

"Heyyyyyy!"

"I'm kind of in the middle of a soccer game here, bastard"

"Oh I know, that's why I'm here: To look at your Jersey"

"My...jersey?"

"Yeah, cause I need your name and number!"

"Why you little-!"

"AHHH! DON'T KICK THE BALL THERE LOVI! AHHHH!"

* * *

Spain snuck up behind Lovino and tugged his hair curl, saying "Click" at the same time

"ACK!"

"Hey baby, you must be a light switch, because every time I see you, you turn me on!"

"R-really? Cause every time I see you, I think you're like a light bulb"

"Really! I'm as hot as a light bulb!"

"Nope, you're like a light bulb because you're impossible to change and I hope you die soon!"

* * *

"I think I can die happy now, because I've just seen a piece of heaven."

"Good, because you do realize I'm about to kill you"

* * *

"You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!"

"The more I drink, the more I forget you, bastard"

* * *

"When God made you, he was showing off."

"When God made you, he was pissed off."

* * *

"Lovi, the voices in my head told me to come over here and talk to you"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah really"

Lovino then proceeded to kick him in his Madrid.

"AHHHH!"

"Haha, Whadaya know. The voices in my head are smart"

* * *

"Heyyy, Lo-"

"Spain, are you about to start with some lame pick up line?"

"Um"

"Yes"

"What?"

Lovino flushed a deep red, like a tomato. "I'll go out with you"

A silence once again took over.

"YES! TAKE THAT PRUSSIA!"

"WHAT! I WAS JUST A BET TO YOU! A NOTCH IN YOUR BED POST!"

"What! N-no! I was just-!"

"BASTARD!"

End


End file.
